


BREAKING: Double Olympic Champion Yuzuru Hanyu arrested in Canada for breaking and entering!

by deeorhys



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Crack, Gen, Nothing but crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:34:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23178532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deeorhys/pseuds/deeorhys
Summary: Read all the details of how the double Olympic champion Yuzuru Hanyu ended up behind bars.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 44





	BREAKING: Double Olympic Champion Yuzuru Hanyu arrested in Canada for breaking and entering!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Karenkk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karenkk/gifts).



> Thank you KarenKK for coming up with the comment that derailed my brain. This one is for you, sis!

**BREAKING: Double Olympic Champion Yuzuru Hanyu arrested in Canada for breaking and entering!**

Around 12:30 am, Police were called to the Toronto Cricket Club, a private skating rink where figure skater Yuzuru Hanyu, reigning double Olympic champion, trains. A club maintenance employee who does not want to be identified, told us that since the club was closed due to the coronavirus, he had been noticing the rink’s ice surface looked different every morning.

"Sometimes I would come to the rink and smell fumes… as if the Zamboni [the ice resurface machine] had been used. But the ice looked pretty much the same as when I had last seen it."

All was well until one morning he noticed some scratch marks and a few shallow holes near the short sides of the rink. 

"I thought it was Mr. Raccoon again but, nope! Those were blade marks for sure. And there was only one person who would break into TCC in the middle of the night… to skate."

The source told us Hanyu had once asked Coach Brian Orser if he could train by himself during nighttime, after hours—to the horror of the Coach, who explicitly forbade him.

On the night of March 18, after doing his last round check to close the facilities, he heard skating noises.

"I heard a 'SHUUU' followed by a 'PAAA', and I immediately KNEW who it was."

It was no other than Yuzuru Hanyu himself. 

The employee tried to convince Hanyu to leave the ice and the facilities, but to no avail.

"He was adamant in skating. He kept saying something like 'kid need born! Can’t wait!’… But I have no idea what he meant. He just wouldn’t listen. I told him I’d call Mr. Orser, Mr. Briand, even Ms. Wilson, but he just kept Quadding all around. I was fearing for his physical health… and for my job. He left me no alternative, but to call the Police."

When the Police arrived, no amount of convincing words or even threatening made the star champion leave the ice. Thus, the police force had to step on the ice and skid after the Olympian, who started jumping his famous quadruple jumps to try and get away from the officers. The cops were only able to restrain the figure skater after a failed attempt of a Quadruple Axel (as per the source).

Handcuffed out of the rink, the Japanese athlete then threw himself on the floor and refused to stand up until someone gave him his blade guards to protect his blades.

"Blade my life! Need protect!!" he was reported to have screamed at an eardrum-piercing volume.

Escorted to the police station, Hanyu was incarcerated but not deflated. Infuriated for having his impromptu practice interrupted, like a man possessed, he would shake the bars and scream at the top of his lungs, a few repetitive sentences in Japanese. According to Google Translate, he was reported to have said:

"The Kid wants to be born! It’s calling meeeeeeeeeee!!! The Kid wants to be born, to be landed! QUAD AXEL CANNOT WAIT!"


End file.
